I have always been a person with a plan in life, and at 12 or 13 what could possibly be simpler than to graduate from a good college, go into medicine, take a European tour, start working!; for oodles of money, meet “the one”, get married, buy a house, have kids and then in my later years retire and travel the world. Simple right? That is until life starts getting into the way and I can’t help wondering where it is that I went wrong where others had succeeded….
That was probably my first mistake. What was that mistake you ask? It all seemed perfectly reasonable to me. You say. Well allow me to enlighten you:
“Humans plan. God laughs.”
I did graduate from a good college? Yes, I did but never managed to enter the medicine field (much to my parents chagrin)nor did I ever manage to take that European tour (other than the few weeks I spent studying in Spain), make oodles of money working a great job and I still live at home with my Dad (love ya!) and I am still very much single. But that isn’t the problem.
It is in those weak moments (that make us all human) when I start getting the LinkedIn updates about classmates being promoted and Facebook is telling yet ANOTHER person is engaged/married/pregnant when I start to doubt myself and the choices that I made in my life that make me feel unworthy, incapable and essentially just… less.
But why should we (or I, maybe I am all alone on this one) feel any way but happy about others happiness? I will tell you why, it is because we have been living our lives in comparison to others.
Do you get a case of the giggles when your friend/frenemy gets dumped? or Do you secretly wish they would trip and fall on their face when you feel like you are being out-shined by their awesomeness? If yes, then you too may be suffering from a Life-by- comparison.
Sabrina wait, isn’t that just plan ole’ jealousy? To me? Yes and no while jealousy does exhibit the same emotional symptoms it is in the mental barring that all the difference is made. It is when we begin to doubt our own worth and purpose, due to someone else’s achievements/attributes.
Example: As previously mentioned, I have two older sisters, both of which are solidly into their careers and living pretty good lives; making good money and living it up, Me? I can’t for the life of me get it together, I can’t even begin to tell you; the number of projects I have started that have gone no where and the number of jobs that went no where, all just to wind up still at home and still broke and trying to “work it out”.
Does that mean I doing something wrong? Do I now need to re-evaluate my whole life? Do I punish them in little ways for my own perceived short comings? I want to, I will admit it. Especially when I just need to figure out how I am going to pay my cell and student loans this month and one of them tells me she is headed off to Europe on a mini tour in two weeks and if I can give her a ride to the airport?
While I could cry like Ann (but I have a REALLY ugly cry-face and it makes me swell) and I want more for myself and while I may still be working on figuring it out I just want the world to know:
And so it all comes back to me (and each and every one of us in our own lives). It is what I aim to accomplish through The Un-Life I want to reclaim all the possibilities of my future while discarding my insecurities of today.
“The only limits to the possibilities in your life tomorrow are the buts you use today.”-Les Brown