As we spend our days and nights tirelessly pursing our dreams of a grander, more purposeful life it can be quite easy to get caught up in the end goal and forget to truly experience the present. It is something that every one struggles with; it is something that I am currently trying to navigate.
I have always been a planner; complete step A then on to B,C,D etc. Even with starting this blog I envisioned penning a few posts and then having to field constant invites from people who; want me to attend their events, promote their cause, wear their clothes and sit down for interviews. The Un-Life would have been my key to that magical land of sufficient money, opportunities and recognition. So I started with my introduction to the world, hey it’s me take notice before you miss out on all the greatness that is Sabrina! I seemed to have shouted across social media and NYC but things didn’t happen quite as I had intended and because I am but a mere human filled with flaws and all I begun to feel as though, once again I had missed the mark.
It wasn’t until last weekend at a dinner party that my sister had thrown in her bit of greenery in Brooklyn, that I was playing co-host to #SingleGirlProblems (with two artsy couples in attendance.) With the spirits flowing, the food eaten and the mosquitoes biting that the conversation seemed to all center on me and what kind of art I was into. Before this, we had heard about E’s amazing bag line that is being re-conceptualized into luxury wallets (more on this to follow, I hope), B’s sojourn to NYC to go to grad school for his MFA, JE and M’s freelance work as graphic designers and the admittedly awkward party they attended at MOMA recently and everyone knew that S (my sister, not me) is working in production and we had recently done the shoot for her designer friend HYE SUN MOON as mentioned in a previous post. So you might be able to imagine how ardently I wanted to impress this group with my projects to feel like I was actually doing something in comparison.
So I started, “I’m a writer; I’m currently working on a novel (sort of) and I have a new blog.”
B: “What kind of blog is it?”
ME: “I like to call it a “Life and Style” blog. That way I can write about what i think is relevant to my life but I can also do some style segments, book reviews, travel, millennial issue things as well.”
B: “That’s cool. Have you done any other kind of writing?”
ME:” Yeah, I used to write plays, even put up three shows in a year once a couple of years ago. HA!”
M: “Wait three shows?”
ME: “Two here in NYC and one in San Francisco”
B: “How did you end up in San Fran?” (his hometown as it happens)
ME: “It was really funny actually, I happened to see a call for submissions and before my good sense could kick in I submitted not thinking anything would come of it. Then I got the email for acceptance and had a panic attack.” This of course was met with a round of laughter.
M: “That must have been crazy organizing and getting everything together for all of the shows, wow I can’t even imagine what that must have been like.”
ME: “Not to say that I would do it again but I don’t know if I would say it was really that crazy but it was definitely an experience, I will say that for sure, I learned a whole lot.”
E: (who had been leaning quite heavily over the side of her chair this whole time and trying to fix herself another burger) Wait how old are you again?
ME: 25. This of course was followed by, She’s a baby! and what not because the average difference between me and everyone else at the table is about 9.25 years
I don’t want to come across here as asking for people’s awe and praise for what I have done in my life or anything like that I just want to make it clear but it was in that conversation with people who didn’t really know me and my own personal struggles with finding my “calling”, finding work and doing more than just “surviving that I had to take a step back and say to myself, “Hey, I have done a lot. I have something that amazes these people, I have accomplished things I can be proud of.”
And that is the point that I want to drive home with this post, although you and I have not accomplished all that have intended to (the end goal) and we are maybe just trying to figure things out to get through today; do yourself a favor and take a moment, today to reflect on all of things you HAVE accomplished, remember to take stock of hard lessons you have had to learn along the way and give yourself a big pat on the back because, you deserve it.
Alright crazy kids, it’s Friday!
Until next time!