Author: Sabrina P

5 Things Every Woman Should be Able to Do

#Adulting is hard as we all know and since there are no clear cut guidelines that define what it is to be a successful full fledge adult here is a list of a few things that I believe it is important that every women be able to do for herself in no particular order but all equally important despite your income, where you live or relationship status.

  1. Know how to be okay, being by yourself…

Knowing that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely and knowing what that difference is- can be difficult and takes a good bit of self reflection but it is worth the effort  and should not be discredited. Taking time to be along you realize that the world is bigger than you ever imagined and that your actual needs in life and the people you choose to fill yours with may be completely different. That is why I have always been a big believer in traveling solo. Without the opinions and desires of your crew/girls, discovering a new place alone, you get the opportunity to form your own experiences and discoveries about this new place and yourself as well! At the end of the day it comes down to this, if you can’t stand to be in your own company, why would anybody else?

 

2. Manage Your Money

Hey I get it, sometimes it isn’t about managing your money- it is about having money to manage! I remember my first couple of years out of college, probably during college as well, standing at check-out counters praying that my purchases would be able to clear my meager bank balance, “You will not return unto me void!” it was  kind of funny at that time, not really, but you know what isn’t funny -at all? Reaching the end of your twenties, thirties, forties and still having to pray over your purchases! Successfully managing your money is to; know how much you bring in, prioritizing your expenditures and a healthy indulgence in self-denial. Let us start really living within our means and get to a place where you can start saving money and then getting your savings to start working to make you  more money! Now that is sexy…

 

3. Feed Your Yourself

No one expects you to cook at a level to be a contestant for Top Chef but you also shouldn’t be a shoe in for America’s Worst Cook either. Having a few simple meals under your culinary belt will make a world of difference in your confidence and ability to function in life plus bonus points if these meals you can cook are well balanced and nutritional (sorry, box mac’ n cheese but this isn’t the place for you…) Listen, you don’t have to love cooking but you should be able to! Cooking is a life skill for a reason and you never know you might discover a new passion while learning!

 

4. Know Your Mind….

And know how to speak your truth (Let the church say AMEN!) This is a principle that affects every aspect of your life from your career, friendships to your relationship with family and romantic entanglements because knowing your mind is really knowing yourself, your desires, your limits, your worth and your needs. Healthy relationships can not be created or maintained if you have no sense of self. Not knowing where you stand is more than a being people pleaser we are talking about being a doormat and if you are willing to lay down your own opinions and feelings or you don’t even know what they might be– people will just walk right over you.

 

5. Care for Your Sister..

We are our sisters keepers and nothing exemplifies this more than one woman’s ability to uplift or support her fellow woman. There are enough forces in this world that want nothing more than to tear us down, so why should we do it to one another? In realizing that we are the standard by which the world operates we as women can change generations to come; with a smile, a kind word, an outstretched hand and a warm embrace. A woman who knows her own worth, her value and how to handle her business has no need to cut down others by shaming them for their choices.

 

Until Next Time!

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Taking a Step Back

As most of you who are familiar with my blog already know it has been a few years since I have been active on social media. So I decided to write briefly on why decided to take a step back from blogging and being active in social media, what has brought me back in the end and what plans I have going forward.

Square Pegs and Round Holes….

I will be honest here. When I started this blog I had grand ideas about how easy it would be to get on here and just write some posts about fashion and body confidence and that would then catapult me to internet stardom! it didn’t really work out that way. It was a lot of WORK, there was the planning of content and then there was becoming a social presence on other apps and sites so that people would actually come to the blog! Who knew and why hadn’t I been warned before this was just supposed to be easy ,right? Other than learning what really has to go into running a successful blog I also learned that what people really want to see is content that I (the writer) am genuinely interested in writing about…and let me just admit here a fashionista I am NOT! I can appreciate pretty clothes and a well put together outfit but following trends and the like is just not what I do. Basically I am more of a: “Is it clean? Does it match? Sweet, we are good to go!” kind of person in the morning and so while you might still see a few outfit of the day posts here that will just be about it, so you have been warned! 

 

The Home Situation…..

Was not great at that time. Literally, the week of my last post back in 2014, my dad (who I was living with) lost his job and we were at the time barely keeping our heads above water already with mortgage payments etc. To add to that stress, what we weren’t aware of that time was that my dad was/is dealing with some serious health issues that has essentially made him dependent on “me” financially. So I had to get a job that actually paid something that could at very least support myself AND help him. Thankfully, that situation has been mostly resolved at this point and I am in a better place on that front and I have made some health decisions that you might find interesting for myself as well (more on the blog about that later). I guess the point in me mentioning it now is to say that I had never intended that this blog would become a diary of my life. You know we have to become careful or selective in the amount and kind of information that we choose to share on the inter-webs and so I had hoped that it would have only been a short break while that situation resolved itself and then I would be back….HA!

 

Finding Balance….

So I got the new job that I needed and got my dad and home life settled and don’t get me wrong I really enjoy my new position but can I tell you it has been work learning everything that I need to know (still don’t know everything almost 2 years on), creating the processes, making the contacts, doing the travel etc. But you know when you look at people who have jobs, family, schooling on top of their plates and they some how STILL find the time to pursue their own personal outlets/interests and you are just looking at them thinking, where do you find the energy?

 

It has to be more than these super-people like doing all this “extra” stuff because I am sure they like sleep as well, right? What I can say for myself at least putting in all these hours into working alone leaves me feeling a little empty. Being creative feeds me mentally and spiritually and gives me a sense of control of my life. So it is all about getting to a place where I feel satisfied in my life and still can pay these bills…

Unless someone out there is volunteering? 🙂  So what that means, going forward, I am hoping to re commit to this blog! So look forward to more posts; we will have some laughs and some adventures and look forward to sharing with all of you what I am up to now and the changes and plans I have been making in this The Un-Life

Until next time!

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No Such Thing as a Procrastinator?

Procrastinate [proh-kras-tuh-neyt, pruh-] 1. (verb w/o object): to defer action; delay. 2. (verb w/ object): to put off until another day or time; defer; delay>

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Procrastination is alive and well and this is exactly what my life tends to look like each week and it is a concept that I am sure many of us have struggled with; getting assignments done on time for work and or school, getting back to the gym, filing taxes, getting ready for the day… I mean anything really could be put off until later and I know for myself for no real conscience reason that I was aware of on most things I subscribed to the theory “Why do today, what you can do tomorrow?” and saw no problem with it at all! Don’t get me wrong it all got done in the end but…. right now? -Maybe tomorrow…

At least that is what I thought before finding this short clip from the Steve Harvey show where the Hip Hop Preacher Eric Thomas shared his point of view on the subject:

Which got me thinking… could he be right? Is it really just a matter of making the items on my to do list; like writing this blog, getting my work assignments completed ahead of schedule, completing my novel (check back for more on the blog about that particular project!) a priority to myself? Seems simple enough almost too easy to really be the solution but definitely worth a try.

But where does one start?

Start with defining for yourself what is really important to you not what other people tell you should be a priority. Does your job feel like it is dragging each week? Well then maybe it is time to seek other methods of earning an income if you are desperate need for a change or do you keep putting off starting that diet or workout schedule? Figure out what you can actually manage- maybe making commitments to walk more, make better food choices at every meal will be more realistic (and less overwhelming) than going to the gym 5-6 days for 1-2 hours a week…What is important here is finding that motivation or process that you can actually commit to that registers to you in a way that it doesn’t feel like some huge burden that ends up looming over your head like a dark cloud. Get moving and get excited!

And be the #boss you where meant to be!

via GIPHY

but for now….

via GIPHY

 

Until Next Time!

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Back at it again……

Hey There!

Long time no speak/read (not really sure which one) Any who, it has been a long time, something like 3 years I am sad to say….. but I am happy to say that The Un-Life, that would be me, am back and ready to start writing and creating again!!!! We all know that life can sometimes get crazy and that is exactly what happened. As much as I would like to believe that I would never succumb to the pressures of: family, life, and even finances– life sure showed me who was boss and I had to come to the conclusion that I too, am only human and sometimes the best thing to do is take a step beck to regroup in order to continue forward.

So here I am back at it again and hopefully you will all join in on this adventure!

I will keep it short for now but keep tuned!

Until next time!

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Back in a New York State of Mind

Hey All,

Sorry I have been quiet lately but I have been out of the state on a much needed mental holiday. With everything that has been going on I haven’t been able to tell if I was coming or going most days and so it was great to pack a bag and head out for a while.

Where did I go, you ask?
Colorado; Breckenridge, Boulder and Crested Butte to be exact.

Why Colorado?
Why not? I have never been and flights out of NYC were decently priced. I am always looking to explore new places and see new things. Like I always tell people “I have a passport and am willing to travel” It isn’t always about going to exotic locals of far and distant lands (although I love to go to places like that) but more about spending time with good people and having a good time together.

And a good time we did have from day hiking and campfires to tea houses and bookstores there was just so much to see and do! The only thing is that for was that in some spots the internet was a little spotty and with all of the driving around we had to do there just wasn’t enough time (or energy) to post so I will just have to settle with this one sort of re-cap. All in all we (Sissy, D and I) had an amazing time and they even got the chance to practice their driving skills (I’m still not quite un-clenched enough to really talk about some of those moments.)

Here are a few pictures (looking for more check out my Instagram with the link above)

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Me and the Sissy in Breckenridge (isn’t she purrrty)
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Me and D rocking it out on a bridge

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View from the riverside deck our last morning in Boulder

All in all it was a great time and I am happy that I went (even though I had to “take time” off from work) in the end it is just money, right? Nothing will be able to replace the memories of our time there but I will say it is good to be back. Sometimes you really do have to learn in order to realize that there is no place like home.

Until next time,
Sabrina

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A Sip and See Event

There is nothing like going out and meeting like-minded people who are working hard trying to make a name for themselves in this “dog eat dog” society that we live in. It is even better when there is a chance to support others in their work just by showing up and having a cocktail or two.

One such event that I had the opportunity to attend was the Trailer Sip and See event for the New Webseries 195 Lewis, that story revolves around Black, Queer and Poly love (polyamorous, if you didn’t know) and all the crazy, beautiful and funny things that happen in between.

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Which was held at the awesome Kalahari Gallery right in Brooklyn, (talk about an easy commute home, YAY!) Any who, I found out about the event because it just so happens that my good friend D Ajane Carlton (who was great enough to guest post here at The Un-Life) happens to be one of the stars!

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A Picture of only some of the cast and crew of the web series, D is the one with the faux-hock in the front.

The night was a buzz with drinks and laughter supporters poured in take a look at the Pilot listen to the enlightened words of poets and sway to musical musings of The Peace and Body Roll DUO Boomscat all while sipping on cool refreshing beverages and even munching away on tasty tofu tacos. All in all it was a great experience and a fun event to tie up the end of a work day.

Although there has been no official word on when the series will be available for general consumption (as they have been submitted to festivals.) This is a project I hope many people will keep on the look out for and support once it is out there.

I know I will be. Congrats to the cast and crew on your preview and good luck as you move forward!

Until next time,
Sabrina

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Spandex, Feathers and Glitter, Oh My!

Folks it is Labor Day, also known as the unofficial end of summer, and here in Brooklyn that can only mean one thing; West Indian Day Parade! While I am not normally a reveller of the Parkway madness that is playing mass I thought some of those who have never seen the parade, a look at this year’s costumes. I happen to be lucky enough to live on the “warm-up” route for the parade as the bands start pumping up the music and the crowd on their way to the official start line on the parkway.

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Now I tried to keep the images as PG as I possibly could, unfortunately that also meant the best photos could really be included, sucks I know but I tried.

One thing that is undeniable is that as dressed or as undressed as some of the women are, you have to admit seeing all these women of all color, shapes and sizes, strutting their stuff under the HOT sun (if you happen to be Jamaican -H for accurate translation, ha ha ha!) is inspiring, so take a lesson and ring out the summer with confidence!

Until next time,

Sabrina

 

 

 

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I’m 24 and Starting My First Job; Help!

Trying to forget the major crap hole my life feels like at the moment, I will admit, has been a daily process and I have been struggling about what I should post about this week. That is when it hit me. One way to forget my troubles is to delve myself into the troubles of others and hopefully give a few helpful tips to help someone else. So here I have another question, from one of my favorite sources XOJane:

The Question:
This might seem stupid, but I’m starting a new job, and I’m really anxious about general office policy. I’m going to be a staff accountant for a Midwestern hotel management company – and my second week will be out-of-town, staying in a hotel in a big Midwestern city, alone.
I was never given an official manual, like I have been at other positions – I’m expected to show up one day to do my HR paperwork, and then begin training the next day. I know it sound superficial, but most of my questions are just sort of basic office things that I actually don’t know:
-What is generally accepted business attire? I’m 24 and the new position is as an accountant. Does it vary between offices? Areas of the country? Or between types of accounting? What should I do if no one tells me???
-What should I expect for discussions of benefits and the like? Am I supposed to try to bargain for the best? How do I know what’s reasonable?
-What will I do for lunch? I know this sounds lame, but I live five minutes from the corporate office. I don’t want to go home and ignore everyone, but how do you get into a lunch group??
Help a girl out! Any advice you readers can give me is appreciated – including (and especially) advice on first week outfits and behavior. Help me start off professionally!

My Answer:
There probably is nothing that sucks quite as much as being the “New Kid on the Block” besides the feelings of excitement and adventure that I am sure are there some where. One also has to contend with the nerves and uncertainty that sometimes feel like they will overwhelm you and you will end up tripping on a piece of carpet in front of everyone and spilling your drink all over your new outfit and have to spend the rest of the day smelling like hot sticky sweetness and looking as though you can’t be trusted with an “adult” cup (I’m having a flashback i think) but don’t worry from my misery I’m sure you can find triumph and avoid some less than desirable situations.

First off, congrats on your grown-up job! Score one for you!

Alright enough of that on to your questions:

– My general rule of thumb (no matter where you are working) for your first week of work when it comes to attire; “Always go for a more formal look.” While I am sure that during the interview process (if it was in the office) you got the chance to see some of the other people you will be working with and what they were wearing, take a cue from them and just go more formal by one notch. So if everyone is in a relaxed business casual; go in wearing business casual by adding a blazer or a cardigan shell to your look. Continue along this vein until you get a real feel for the work place and what rules and aren’t acceptable for the dress code. Remember your new, your coworkers have been there longer and probably have some leeway as to what they can get away with but YOU just got the job so put in some more effort in the beginning. So that means no matter how nice your jeans are STAY AWAY and opt for mix-and-match separates that aren’t; too tight, too short, too revealing and derogatory (I shouldn’t have to add that last one but just in case) If you want them to take you seriously then dress accordingly.

– Now when it comes to the discussion of benefits normally that happens before you receive the offer when they talk to you about the salary being offered. So if there was a second interview that would have been the time to talk salary, PTO (Paid Time Off) etc. But since your next time in the office will be to do your paperwork you can assume that has already been set in stone and they will probably offer you the standard for the position. It seems that this will be an entry-level position for you so you really don’t have a leg to stand on thus there will be no negotiation. Come back in a year (probably more like 3-5) when you have some more experience with the company and something that only you can bring to the table and I am sure they will be willing to talk numbers with you then. Also expect to receive your employees “Handbook” when you go to fill out your paperwork, if not then ask if there is an orientation for new employees (I have worked at places where I didn’t have orientation until about 3 weeks on the job, so it happens.)

-Since you will only be at headquarters for one week before heading on the road, it is most important for you to try to break the ice with your co-workers as soon as possible. So don’t even THINK about going home for lunch! What more perfect time then when everyone is filling their bellies than to pick their brains on the latest goings-ons in the office? When you go in for paperwork, ask if you can take a walk around the office, if that isn’t appropriate (although I don’t really see why not but what do I know?) see if there is a communal lunch area or are people eating at their desks (note if there are a take-out menus hanging around if you go in the morning) or ASK HR where people normally go for lunch in the area. You never know your company might be one of the few that have a cafeteria where everyone goes to eat or they brown bag it for lunch and gather in common areas. Basically my point here is to not close yourself off from people and use the limited amount of time you have before going out of office to ask for opinions and tips from people who have already been the new kids.

We have all been where you are and will probably be there again so don’t freak over the small stuff and just breathe, it will all work out I promise. Don’t forget to check out my Tips from the CEO’s Office post to get some more helpful tips for surviving the work place.

Well then, until next time folks!
Sabrina

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