Category: Daily Struggle

5 Things Every Woman Should be Able to Do

#Adulting is hard as we all know and since there are no clear cut guidelines that define what it is to be a successful full fledge adult here is a list of a few things that I believe it is important that every women be able to do for herself in no particular order but all equally important despite your income, where you live or relationship status.

  1. Know how to be okay, being by yourself…

Knowing that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely and knowing what that difference is- can be difficult and takes a good bit of self reflection but it is worth the effort  and should not be discredited. Taking time to be along you realize that the world is bigger than you ever imagined and that your actual needs in life and the people you choose to fill yours with may be completely different. That is why I have always been a big believer in traveling solo. Without the opinions and desires of your crew/girls, discovering a new place alone, you get the opportunity to form your own experiences and discoveries about this new place and yourself as well! At the end of the day it comes down to this, if you can’t stand to be in your own company, why would anybody else?

 

2. Manage Your Money

Hey I get it, sometimes it isn’t about managing your money- it is about having money to manage! I remember my first couple of years out of college, probably during college as well, standing at check-out counters praying that my purchases would be able to clear my meager bank balance, “You will not return unto me void!” it was  kind of funny at that time, not really, but you know what isn’t funny -at all? Reaching the end of your twenties, thirties, forties and still having to pray over your purchases! Successfully managing your money is to; know how much you bring in, prioritizing your expenditures and a healthy indulgence in self-denial. Let us start really living within our means and get to a place where you can start saving money and then getting your savings to start working to make you  more money! Now that is sexy…

 

3. Feed Your Yourself

No one expects you to cook at a level to be a contestant for Top Chef but you also shouldn’t be a shoe in for America’s Worst Cook either. Having a few simple meals under your culinary belt will make a world of difference in your confidence and ability to function in life plus bonus points if these meals you can cook are well balanced and nutritional (sorry, box mac’ n cheese but this isn’t the place for you…) Listen, you don’t have to love cooking but you should be able to! Cooking is a life skill for a reason and you never know you might discover a new passion while learning!

 

4. Know Your Mind….

And know how to speak your truth (Let the church say AMEN!) This is a principle that affects every aspect of your life from your career, friendships to your relationship with family and romantic entanglements because knowing your mind is really knowing yourself, your desires, your limits, your worth and your needs. Healthy relationships can not be created or maintained if you have no sense of self. Not knowing where you stand is more than a being people pleaser we are talking about being a doormat and if you are willing to lay down your own opinions and feelings or you don’t even know what they might be– people will just walk right over you.

 

5. Care for Your Sister..

We are our sisters keepers and nothing exemplifies this more than one woman’s ability to uplift or support her fellow woman. There are enough forces in this world that want nothing more than to tear us down, so why should we do it to one another? In realizing that we are the standard by which the world operates we as women can change generations to come; with a smile, a kind word, an outstretched hand and a warm embrace. A woman who knows her own worth, her value and how to handle her business has no need to cut down others by shaming them for their choices.

 

Until Next Time!

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No Such Thing as a Procrastinator?

Procrastinate [proh-kras-tuh-neyt, pruh-] 1. (verb w/o object): to defer action; delay. 2. (verb w/ object): to put off until another day or time; defer; delay>

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Procrastination is alive and well and this is exactly what my life tends to look like each week and it is a concept that I am sure many of us have struggled with; getting assignments done on time for work and or school, getting back to the gym, filing taxes, getting ready for the day… I mean anything really could be put off until later and I know for myself for no real conscience reason that I was aware of on most things I subscribed to the theory “Why do today, what you can do tomorrow?” and saw no problem with it at all! Don’t get me wrong it all got done in the end but…. right now? -Maybe tomorrow…

At least that is what I thought before finding this short clip from the Steve Harvey show where the Hip Hop Preacher Eric Thomas shared his point of view on the subject:

Which got me thinking… could he be right? Is it really just a matter of making the items on my to do list; like writing this blog, getting my work assignments completed ahead of schedule, completing my novel (check back for more on the blog about that particular project!) a priority to myself? Seems simple enough almost too easy to really be the solution but definitely worth a try.

But where does one start?

Start with defining for yourself what is really important to you not what other people tell you should be a priority. Does your job feel like it is dragging each week? Well then maybe it is time to seek other methods of earning an income if you are desperate need for a change or do you keep putting off starting that diet or workout schedule? Figure out what you can actually manage- maybe making commitments to walk more, make better food choices at every meal will be more realistic (and less overwhelming) than going to the gym 5-6 days for 1-2 hours a week…What is important here is finding that motivation or process that you can actually commit to that registers to you in a way that it doesn’t feel like some huge burden that ends up looming over your head like a dark cloud. Get moving and get excited!

And be the #boss you where meant to be!

via GIPHY

but for now….

via GIPHY

 

Until Next Time!

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A Sip and See Event

There is nothing like going out and meeting like-minded people who are working hard trying to make a name for themselves in this “dog eat dog” society that we live in. It is even better when there is a chance to support others in their work just by showing up and having a cocktail or two.

One such event that I had the opportunity to attend was the Trailer Sip and See event for the New Webseries 195 Lewis, that story revolves around Black, Queer and Poly love (polyamorous, if you didn’t know) and all the crazy, beautiful and funny things that happen in between.

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Which was held at the awesome Kalahari Gallery right in Brooklyn, (talk about an easy commute home, YAY!) Any who, I found out about the event because it just so happens that my good friend D Ajane Carlton (who was great enough to guest post here at The Un-Life) happens to be one of the stars!

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A Picture of only some of the cast and crew of the web series, D is the one with the faux-hock in the front.

The night was a buzz with drinks and laughter supporters poured in take a look at the Pilot listen to the enlightened words of poets and sway to musical musings of The Peace and Body Roll DUO Boomscat all while sipping on cool refreshing beverages and even munching away on tasty tofu tacos. All in all it was a great experience and a fun event to tie up the end of a work day.

Although there has been no official word on when the series will be available for general consumption (as they have been submitted to festivals.) This is a project I hope many people will keep on the look out for and support once it is out there.

I know I will be. Congrats to the cast and crew on your preview and good luck as you move forward!

Until next time,
Sabrina

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I’m 24 and Starting My First Job; Help!

Trying to forget the major crap hole my life feels like at the moment, I will admit, has been a daily process and I have been struggling about what I should post about this week. That is when it hit me. One way to forget my troubles is to delve myself into the troubles of others and hopefully give a few helpful tips to help someone else. So here I have another question, from one of my favorite sources XOJane:

The Question:
This might seem stupid, but I’m starting a new job, and I’m really anxious about general office policy. I’m going to be a staff accountant for a Midwestern hotel management company – and my second week will be out-of-town, staying in a hotel in a big Midwestern city, alone.
I was never given an official manual, like I have been at other positions – I’m expected to show up one day to do my HR paperwork, and then begin training the next day. I know it sound superficial, but most of my questions are just sort of basic office things that I actually don’t know:
-What is generally accepted business attire? I’m 24 and the new position is as an accountant. Does it vary between offices? Areas of the country? Or between types of accounting? What should I do if no one tells me???
-What should I expect for discussions of benefits and the like? Am I supposed to try to bargain for the best? How do I know what’s reasonable?
-What will I do for lunch? I know this sounds lame, but I live five minutes from the corporate office. I don’t want to go home and ignore everyone, but how do you get into a lunch group??
Help a girl out! Any advice you readers can give me is appreciated – including (and especially) advice on first week outfits and behavior. Help me start off professionally!

My Answer:
There probably is nothing that sucks quite as much as being the “New Kid on the Block” besides the feelings of excitement and adventure that I am sure are there some where. One also has to contend with the nerves and uncertainty that sometimes feel like they will overwhelm you and you will end up tripping on a piece of carpet in front of everyone and spilling your drink all over your new outfit and have to spend the rest of the day smelling like hot sticky sweetness and looking as though you can’t be trusted with an “adult” cup (I’m having a flashback i think) but don’t worry from my misery I’m sure you can find triumph and avoid some less than desirable situations.

First off, congrats on your grown-up job! Score one for you!

Alright enough of that on to your questions:

– My general rule of thumb (no matter where you are working) for your first week of work when it comes to attire; “Always go for a more formal look.” While I am sure that during the interview process (if it was in the office) you got the chance to see some of the other people you will be working with and what they were wearing, take a cue from them and just go more formal by one notch. So if everyone is in a relaxed business casual; go in wearing business casual by adding a blazer or a cardigan shell to your look. Continue along this vein until you get a real feel for the work place and what rules and aren’t acceptable for the dress code. Remember your new, your coworkers have been there longer and probably have some leeway as to what they can get away with but YOU just got the job so put in some more effort in the beginning. So that means no matter how nice your jeans are STAY AWAY and opt for mix-and-match separates that aren’t; too tight, too short, too revealing and derogatory (I shouldn’t have to add that last one but just in case) If you want them to take you seriously then dress accordingly.

– Now when it comes to the discussion of benefits normally that happens before you receive the offer when they talk to you about the salary being offered. So if there was a second interview that would have been the time to talk salary, PTO (Paid Time Off) etc. But since your next time in the office will be to do your paperwork you can assume that has already been set in stone and they will probably offer you the standard for the position. It seems that this will be an entry-level position for you so you really don’t have a leg to stand on thus there will be no negotiation. Come back in a year (probably more like 3-5) when you have some more experience with the company and something that only you can bring to the table and I am sure they will be willing to talk numbers with you then. Also expect to receive your employees “Handbook” when you go to fill out your paperwork, if not then ask if there is an orientation for new employees (I have worked at places where I didn’t have orientation until about 3 weeks on the job, so it happens.)

-Since you will only be at headquarters for one week before heading on the road, it is most important for you to try to break the ice with your co-workers as soon as possible. So don’t even THINK about going home for lunch! What more perfect time then when everyone is filling their bellies than to pick their brains on the latest goings-ons in the office? When you go in for paperwork, ask if you can take a walk around the office, if that isn’t appropriate (although I don’t really see why not but what do I know?) see if there is a communal lunch area or are people eating at their desks (note if there are a take-out menus hanging around if you go in the morning) or ASK HR where people normally go for lunch in the area. You never know your company might be one of the few that have a cafeteria where everyone goes to eat or they brown bag it for lunch and gather in common areas. Basically my point here is to not close yourself off from people and use the limited amount of time you have before going out of office to ask for opinions and tips from people who have already been the new kids.

We have all been where you are and will probably be there again so don’t freak over the small stuff and just breathe, it will all work out I promise. Don’t forget to check out my Tips from the CEO’s Office post to get some more helpful tips for surviving the work place.

Well then, until next time folks!
Sabrina

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HELP! I hate my Job!

Things have been a little hectic on my end with work, home and everything in between so I haven’t been able to post as often as I like and I am trying to do better! Anywho, it has been a while since I have done a career related post and an advice one so here is a perfect question I found on the Advice forum on XoJane, that I feel many can relate to:

I need your advice. I feel majorly unappreciated at my job and I so want to quit. Here’s the thing: I want to leave the corporate world and I’m scared to quit without having another job lined up. The problem is, I know if I find another job just like this one (sitting in a cube farm for 8 hours a day), I’ll be just as miserable. Also, I don’t know exactly what I want my next career move to be, but I know I want it to involve working for myself and doing my own thing. Any tips for what I can do in the meantime so I don’t feel like I”m staring down the deep dark hole of depression every workday?

My Answer:

First off let me just say, I feel you!, I get it no one wants to slave away at some job where you feel as though you are just another cog in machine that is easily replaceable and quite often overlooked. You have brains, ambition and drive so why should you spend your day pushing papers and fighting the copy machine. You are capable of so much more if only the higher-ups would give you the chance! I. Get. It. I know your pain, really I do. BUT I feel like I need to say something that might hurt your feelings a little bit; while I empathize with your feelings, I’m going to be the one to say to you that your situation is not out of the ordinary nor special so you are going to have to put your grown draws on and deal!

The amount of people who would kill to be sitting at a desk working regular hours and receiving regular pay should negate any sort of feelings you maybe harboring about how much your situation sucks. This isn’t to disregard the way that you feel at all but sometimes being a grown up means finding perspective and seeing the bigger picture. Because there really aren’t many people who don’t hate their jobs too but somehow they still manage to get; the job done day in and day out, pay their bills and provide for themselves/families.

You say that you want to leave the Corporate work place and venture into working for yourself. Great! Work is trending in that direction so there is no time like the present to branch out but you don’t know what it is you want to do? So what you are not going to do is actually quit your job, number one. What I think you should start doing is researching what skills you already have and how you can turn that into freelance work, take some classes to build up a skill set/trade that people will want to pay for or start networking with people who own their own businesses that you might be interested in for yourself maybe they could use some volunteers for their events or are willing to let you into their space to intern. Whichever method you choose just know it is going to take a huge commitment from you. Freelancers and start-up business owners that I know always talk about the years they spent working their regular day jobs (that they too hated) just to rush home and spend their every free moment working on their side projects for their business. For many of them it took 3-5 years (average) of seeing profits to actually make that final jump to solely working on their own business. So take the time to research both online and in person before making any huge changes.

Meanwhile surviving your current job situation is all about your attitude. So before you are tempted to commit serious to anyone, start looking for things that you do enjoy about your office; maybe it is an easy commute, you have a cool friend who you talk to about your plans or maybe there is a shop nearby that has the most amazing pastries/coffee/clothes/after work drink special. Find something that doesn’t drive you completely insane about the place and focus more on that then how much you hate it. The more you dwell mentally on what you hate, the more you will see to hate. So start thinking positive thoughts because really it isn’t the end of the world and frown lines are a bitch to get rid of.

Have questions you would like me to answer or discuss send them on over on the contact page!

Until next time!
Sabrina

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Weekend Rx: Treat Your Self

Today I want to make another confession to you my dear readers. I struggle with spending money. It isn’t that I am a complete Scrooge but somehow over the course of my post-college years trying to turn a dime into a dollar. I seem to have turned into a squirrel securing nuts before winter sets in.

Don’t for one second tell your self that I must be sitting on a boat load of money, because if you did believe that then you would be severely mistaken. For as much money as I can squirrel away in hopes of starting a business, taking some time off to travel, buy the things that I want and need; life, as we all know, has a funny way of stepping in and redirecting all of our plans.

And can I just say that I am tired of never being comfortable with where my account balance? Of having to triple-guess myself if that super awesome dress is really worth the money? Click the link you will see, TOTALLY worth it!

But what is a young millennial to do with champagne dreams on a Kool-aid budget?

As Donna from Parks and Recreation says:

That’s right, TREAT YO’ SELF! And doesn’t have to be anything big maybe you just take a day off from work in the middle of the week just to get your mind right or instead of scrimping for a vacation bag-packing across Europe you and your best mates take a smaller weekend trip to one of the Adult Camps, or a different city nearby.

Life is too long and too short to spend it keeping your nose to the ground slaving away to one day live the dream. Stop worrying about loosing one day’s pay (because really, who gets PTO anymore?) and go on an adventure, get a massage, have a drink or three, or take a mental holiday. Little breaks like these not only keep from cursing out your co-workers but can also aid in getting the creativity, help you re-focus/establish your own personal goals but also boost productivity.

Take it from me after 5 or so years planning and saving for that elusive “tomorrow” does leave much time to enjoy the pleasures that today may have in store for you.

So there you go a weekend prescription! TREAT YOUR SELF!

This prescription is not to be combined with any other medications you may be taking, avoid overuse as it may cause extended feelings of elation and euphoria which may lead to more serious sides effects such as; irresponsible spending, quitting your job, entrepreneurship and/or creative genius. Please consult with your local bartender if feelings persists for longer than 72 hours.

Until next time!
Sabrina

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Pardon the Delay in the Programming

Hey All,

 

I know it has been a little while since I have posted but to be completely honest things have been hectic on my end. From my day job, to starting this blog and attending events (got the chance to attend an event for Full Figured Fashion Week!) to things at home and new side projects (Videos?) in the works it has become a little overwhelming. So, I had to take some time for myself and take a bit of a mental holiday to just enjoy the sunshine on my face and the wind blowing through my new twists (an experiment, pics to follow soon!) so that is what I have been doing and I am now trying to get back into the swing of scheduling and managing my time to better accomplish my laundry list of things that I need to do.

If you haven’t already you should head over to my new Instagram profile where you can get an up to date look at what I’m doing, eating, baking and seeing. I am still trying to figure this whole thing, not just Instagram but social media as a whole don’t judge me!, out so be patient with me. Honestly it all just has me feeling like an old lady with a hand full of thumbs but there is hope yet or at least that is what my friend Dee keeps telling me. I think she lies but stranger things have happened!

What to look forward to here at The Un-Life:

  1. Review of Ted Gibson’s New Beauty Line!
  2. Coverage from Eloquii and Redbook’s Event for Full Figured Fashion Week!
  3. My #1 Summer Make-up Must Have!
  4. Brooklyn/NYC summer events (Lost Circus and Afro-Punk!

So don’t forget to keep up with all the exciting happenings here at The Un-Life and if you wan’t to check out some of my other opinionated musings check out my posts for Eat More Cake and Fe-line (posting in July, will provide links later) both of which are based out of the UK! Look at me I’m going global ya’ll!


Anticipate!

Sabrina

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The Colored Girls Hustle

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New York City, for all of its crowds, filth and bad attitudes is undeniably one of the most amazing cities in the world. Millions of tourists flood our streets, trains, ferries, parks, restaurants, buses, markets; I’m sure you get the picture we are overrun with tourists from all over the world and different walks of life. But living in the city that never sleeps requires a different sort of skill that you might not have encountered in you hometown; The Hustle, and I assure you everyone in New York City has one or more of them.

Two such New Yorkers who I had the unexpected privilege to meet last night, are Taja Lindley and Jessica Valoris two artists and friends who have come together to create Colored Girls Hustle to inspire women to live their daily lives confidently, creatively and passionately. Now that is something I can get behind!

So, on the Event:

Nestled within a converted Brownstone in Brooklyn owned by the equally amazing women of The Black Women’s Blueprint, a civil and human rights organization for both and women. We sipped on wine and perused the walls covered in tiny bits of history pertaining to the Civil Rights movement here in America (there even was a Coretta Scott King chair, that I ALMOST laid my bags in, The HORROR! Luckily before committing that particular faux pas I noticed the note attached to the seat, whew!) and dotted around the room were beautiful pieces of African Art.

Any who, back to reason why we were all there; the mix tape pre-release listening party, which they called a Mix tape Listening Salon that really spoke to the intimacy of the event, as they called us all to join the circle together to listen and commune together. Now, I’m not one much for Audience participation but even I appreciated that during their introduction to the mix tape they asked us all to introduce ourselves to the group and share what our Hustle is. Let me just tell you that by this point I had already had a bit of the wine in me (on an empty stomach, as I had just come from work, I am NOT a lightweight!) and so I’m not altogether sure what I said but I definitely got some laughs out of the group, so all in all it was a success.

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The Music:

Set to familiar sound tracks The Colored Girls Hustle allow us to experience, through their rap stylings, getting Krunk while still being conscientious. The lyrics are at times fun and light-hearted but remain true to its message of highlighting the struggle women face in their sexuality, place in society and their creative expression. To check out their songs, the mix tape is available for free download here

At the end of the evening I can say that Taja and Jessica have a vision and a style of their own are definitely two young women who are about themselves and their art from visual, spoken word, fashion (they also sell jewelry through their site) and performance art while remembering the communities that have reared them. I for one will be keeping my eye out to see what these two get up to next!

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“Catchin’ bullets wit my butt-cheeks” Really? That must be painful….

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