Category: Success

5 Things Every Woman Should be Able to Do

#Adulting is hard as we all know and since there are no clear cut guidelines that define what it is to be a successful full fledge adult here is a list of a few things that I believe it is important that every women be able to do for herself in no particular order but all equally important despite your income, where you live or relationship status.

  1. Know how to be okay, being by yourself…

Knowing that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely and knowing what that difference is- can be difficult and takes a good bit of self reflection but it is worth the effort  and should not be discredited. Taking time to be along you realize that the world is bigger than you ever imagined and that your actual needs in life and the people you choose to fill yours with may be completely different. That is why I have always been a big believer in traveling solo. Without the opinions and desires of your crew/girls, discovering a new place alone, you get the opportunity to form your own experiences and discoveries about this new place and yourself as well! At the end of the day it comes down to this, if you can’t stand to be in your own company, why would anybody else?

 

2. Manage Your Money

Hey I get it, sometimes it isn’t about managing your money- it is about having money to manage! I remember my first couple of years out of college, probably during college as well, standing at check-out counters praying that my purchases would be able to clear my meager bank balance, “You will not return unto me void!” it was  kind of funny at that time, not really, but you know what isn’t funny -at all? Reaching the end of your twenties, thirties, forties and still having to pray over your purchases! Successfully managing your money is to; know how much you bring in, prioritizing your expenditures and a healthy indulgence in self-denial. Let us start really living within our means and get to a place where you can start saving money and then getting your savings to start working to make you  more money! Now that is sexy…

 

3. Feed Your Yourself

No one expects you to cook at a level to be a contestant for Top Chef but you also shouldn’t be a shoe in for America’s Worst Cook either. Having a few simple meals under your culinary belt will make a world of difference in your confidence and ability to function in life plus bonus points if these meals you can cook are well balanced and nutritional (sorry, box mac’ n cheese but this isn’t the place for you…) Listen, you don’t have to love cooking but you should be able to! Cooking is a life skill for a reason and you never know you might discover a new passion while learning!

 

4. Know Your Mind….

And know how to speak your truth (Let the church say AMEN!) This is a principle that affects every aspect of your life from your career, friendships to your relationship with family and romantic entanglements because knowing your mind is really knowing yourself, your desires, your limits, your worth and your needs. Healthy relationships can not be created or maintained if you have no sense of self. Not knowing where you stand is more than a being people pleaser we are talking about being a doormat and if you are willing to lay down your own opinions and feelings or you don’t even know what they might be– people will just walk right over you.

 

5. Care for Your Sister..

We are our sisters keepers and nothing exemplifies this more than one woman’s ability to uplift or support her fellow woman. There are enough forces in this world that want nothing more than to tear us down, so why should we do it to one another? In realizing that we are the standard by which the world operates we as women can change generations to come; with a smile, a kind word, an outstretched hand and a warm embrace. A woman who knows her own worth, her value and how to handle her business has no need to cut down others by shaming them for their choices.

 

Until Next Time!

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No Such Thing as a Procrastinator?

Procrastinate [proh-kras-tuh-neyt, pruh-] 1. (verb w/o object): to defer action; delay. 2. (verb w/ object): to put off until another day or time; defer; delay>

via GIPHY

Procrastination is alive and well and this is exactly what my life tends to look like each week and it is a concept that I am sure many of us have struggled with; getting assignments done on time for work and or school, getting back to the gym, filing taxes, getting ready for the day… I mean anything really could be put off until later and I know for myself for no real conscience reason that I was aware of on most things I subscribed to the theory “Why do today, what you can do tomorrow?” and saw no problem with it at all! Don’t get me wrong it all got done in the end but…. right now? -Maybe tomorrow…

At least that is what I thought before finding this short clip from the Steve Harvey show where the Hip Hop Preacher Eric Thomas shared his point of view on the subject:

Which got me thinking… could he be right? Is it really just a matter of making the items on my to do list; like writing this blog, getting my work assignments completed ahead of schedule, completing my novel (check back for more on the blog about that particular project!) a priority to myself? Seems simple enough almost too easy to really be the solution but definitely worth a try.

But where does one start?

Start with defining for yourself what is really important to you not what other people tell you should be a priority. Does your job feel like it is dragging each week? Well then maybe it is time to seek other methods of earning an income if you are desperate need for a change or do you keep putting off starting that diet or workout schedule? Figure out what you can actually manage- maybe making commitments to walk more, make better food choices at every meal will be more realistic (and less overwhelming) than going to the gym 5-6 days for 1-2 hours a week…What is important here is finding that motivation or process that you can actually commit to that registers to you in a way that it doesn’t feel like some huge burden that ends up looming over your head like a dark cloud. Get moving and get excited!

And be the #boss you where meant to be!

via GIPHY

but for now….

via GIPHY

 

Until Next Time!

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A Sip and See Event

There is nothing like going out and meeting like-minded people who are working hard trying to make a name for themselves in this “dog eat dog” society that we live in. It is even better when there is a chance to support others in their work just by showing up and having a cocktail or two.

One such event that I had the opportunity to attend was the Trailer Sip and See event for the New Webseries 195 Lewis, that story revolves around Black, Queer and Poly love (polyamorous, if you didn’t know) and all the crazy, beautiful and funny things that happen in between.

10650042_591883784254501_4362041596111808284_n
Which was held at the awesome Kalahari Gallery right in Brooklyn, (talk about an easy commute home, YAY!) Any who, I found out about the event because it just so happens that my good friend D Ajane Carlton (who was great enough to guest post here at The Un-Life) happens to be one of the stars!

IMAG0289
A Picture of only some of the cast and crew of the web series, D is the one with the faux-hock in the front.

The night was a buzz with drinks and laughter supporters poured in take a look at the Pilot listen to the enlightened words of poets and sway to musical musings of The Peace and Body Roll DUO Boomscat all while sipping on cool refreshing beverages and even munching away on tasty tofu tacos. All in all it was a great experience and a fun event to tie up the end of a work day.

Although there has been no official word on when the series will be available for general consumption (as they have been submitted to festivals.) This is a project I hope many people will keep on the look out for and support once it is out there.

I know I will be. Congrats to the cast and crew on your preview and good luck as you move forward!

Until next time,
Sabrina

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I’m 24 and Starting My First Job; Help!

Trying to forget the major crap hole my life feels like at the moment, I will admit, has been a daily process and I have been struggling about what I should post about this week. That is when it hit me. One way to forget my troubles is to delve myself into the troubles of others and hopefully give a few helpful tips to help someone else. So here I have another question, from one of my favorite sources XOJane:

The Question:
This might seem stupid, but I’m starting a new job, and I’m really anxious about general office policy. I’m going to be a staff accountant for a Midwestern hotel management company – and my second week will be out-of-town, staying in a hotel in a big Midwestern city, alone.
I was never given an official manual, like I have been at other positions – I’m expected to show up one day to do my HR paperwork, and then begin training the next day. I know it sound superficial, but most of my questions are just sort of basic office things that I actually don’t know:
-What is generally accepted business attire? I’m 24 and the new position is as an accountant. Does it vary between offices? Areas of the country? Or between types of accounting? What should I do if no one tells me???
-What should I expect for discussions of benefits and the like? Am I supposed to try to bargain for the best? How do I know what’s reasonable?
-What will I do for lunch? I know this sounds lame, but I live five minutes from the corporate office. I don’t want to go home and ignore everyone, but how do you get into a lunch group??
Help a girl out! Any advice you readers can give me is appreciated – including (and especially) advice on first week outfits and behavior. Help me start off professionally!

My Answer:
There probably is nothing that sucks quite as much as being the “New Kid on the Block” besides the feelings of excitement and adventure that I am sure are there some where. One also has to contend with the nerves and uncertainty that sometimes feel like they will overwhelm you and you will end up tripping on a piece of carpet in front of everyone and spilling your drink all over your new outfit and have to spend the rest of the day smelling like hot sticky sweetness and looking as though you can’t be trusted with an “adult” cup (I’m having a flashback i think) but don’t worry from my misery I’m sure you can find triumph and avoid some less than desirable situations.

First off, congrats on your grown-up job! Score one for you!

Alright enough of that on to your questions:

– My general rule of thumb (no matter where you are working) for your first week of work when it comes to attire; “Always go for a more formal look.” While I am sure that during the interview process (if it was in the office) you got the chance to see some of the other people you will be working with and what they were wearing, take a cue from them and just go more formal by one notch. So if everyone is in a relaxed business casual; go in wearing business casual by adding a blazer or a cardigan shell to your look. Continue along this vein until you get a real feel for the work place and what rules and aren’t acceptable for the dress code. Remember your new, your coworkers have been there longer and probably have some leeway as to what they can get away with but YOU just got the job so put in some more effort in the beginning. So that means no matter how nice your jeans are STAY AWAY and opt for mix-and-match separates that aren’t; too tight, too short, too revealing and derogatory (I shouldn’t have to add that last one but just in case) If you want them to take you seriously then dress accordingly.

– Now when it comes to the discussion of benefits normally that happens before you receive the offer when they talk to you about the salary being offered. So if there was a second interview that would have been the time to talk salary, PTO (Paid Time Off) etc. But since your next time in the office will be to do your paperwork you can assume that has already been set in stone and they will probably offer you the standard for the position. It seems that this will be an entry-level position for you so you really don’t have a leg to stand on thus there will be no negotiation. Come back in a year (probably more like 3-5) when you have some more experience with the company and something that only you can bring to the table and I am sure they will be willing to talk numbers with you then. Also expect to receive your employees “Handbook” when you go to fill out your paperwork, if not then ask if there is an orientation for new employees (I have worked at places where I didn’t have orientation until about 3 weeks on the job, so it happens.)

-Since you will only be at headquarters for one week before heading on the road, it is most important for you to try to break the ice with your co-workers as soon as possible. So don’t even THINK about going home for lunch! What more perfect time then when everyone is filling their bellies than to pick their brains on the latest goings-ons in the office? When you go in for paperwork, ask if you can take a walk around the office, if that isn’t appropriate (although I don’t really see why not but what do I know?) see if there is a communal lunch area or are people eating at their desks (note if there are a take-out menus hanging around if you go in the morning) or ASK HR where people normally go for lunch in the area. You never know your company might be one of the few that have a cafeteria where everyone goes to eat or they brown bag it for lunch and gather in common areas. Basically my point here is to not close yourself off from people and use the limited amount of time you have before going out of office to ask for opinions and tips from people who have already been the new kids.

We have all been where you are and will probably be there again so don’t freak over the small stuff and just breathe, it will all work out I promise. Don’t forget to check out my Tips from the CEO’s Office post to get some more helpful tips for surviving the work place.

Well then, until next time folks!
Sabrina

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HELP! I hate my Job!

Things have been a little hectic on my end with work, home and everything in between so I haven’t been able to post as often as I like and I am trying to do better! Anywho, it has been a while since I have done a career related post and an advice one so here is a perfect question I found on the Advice forum on XoJane, that I feel many can relate to:

I need your advice. I feel majorly unappreciated at my job and I so want to quit. Here’s the thing: I want to leave the corporate world and I’m scared to quit without having another job lined up. The problem is, I know if I find another job just like this one (sitting in a cube farm for 8 hours a day), I’ll be just as miserable. Also, I don’t know exactly what I want my next career move to be, but I know I want it to involve working for myself and doing my own thing. Any tips for what I can do in the meantime so I don’t feel like I”m staring down the deep dark hole of depression every workday?

My Answer:

First off let me just say, I feel you!, I get it no one wants to slave away at some job where you feel as though you are just another cog in machine that is easily replaceable and quite often overlooked. You have brains, ambition and drive so why should you spend your day pushing papers and fighting the copy machine. You are capable of so much more if only the higher-ups would give you the chance! I. Get. It. I know your pain, really I do. BUT I feel like I need to say something that might hurt your feelings a little bit; while I empathize with your feelings, I’m going to be the one to say to you that your situation is not out of the ordinary nor special so you are going to have to put your grown draws on and deal!

The amount of people who would kill to be sitting at a desk working regular hours and receiving regular pay should negate any sort of feelings you maybe harboring about how much your situation sucks. This isn’t to disregard the way that you feel at all but sometimes being a grown up means finding perspective and seeing the bigger picture. Because there really aren’t many people who don’t hate their jobs too but somehow they still manage to get; the job done day in and day out, pay their bills and provide for themselves/families.

You say that you want to leave the Corporate work place and venture into working for yourself. Great! Work is trending in that direction so there is no time like the present to branch out but you don’t know what it is you want to do? So what you are not going to do is actually quit your job, number one. What I think you should start doing is researching what skills you already have and how you can turn that into freelance work, take some classes to build up a skill set/trade that people will want to pay for or start networking with people who own their own businesses that you might be interested in for yourself maybe they could use some volunteers for their events or are willing to let you into their space to intern. Whichever method you choose just know it is going to take a huge commitment from you. Freelancers and start-up business owners that I know always talk about the years they spent working their regular day jobs (that they too hated) just to rush home and spend their every free moment working on their side projects for their business. For many of them it took 3-5 years (average) of seeing profits to actually make that final jump to solely working on their own business. So take the time to research both online and in person before making any huge changes.

Meanwhile surviving your current job situation is all about your attitude. So before you are tempted to commit serious to anyone, start looking for things that you do enjoy about your office; maybe it is an easy commute, you have a cool friend who you talk to about your plans or maybe there is a shop nearby that has the most amazing pastries/coffee/clothes/after work drink special. Find something that doesn’t drive you completely insane about the place and focus more on that then how much you hate it. The more you dwell mentally on what you hate, the more you will see to hate. So start thinking positive thoughts because really it isn’t the end of the world and frown lines are a bitch to get rid of.

Have questions you would like me to answer or discuss send them on over on the contact page!

Until next time!
Sabrina

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Weekend Rx: Treat Your Self

Today I want to make another confession to you my dear readers. I struggle with spending money. It isn’t that I am a complete Scrooge but somehow over the course of my post-college years trying to turn a dime into a dollar. I seem to have turned into a squirrel securing nuts before winter sets in.

Don’t for one second tell your self that I must be sitting on a boat load of money, because if you did believe that then you would be severely mistaken. For as much money as I can squirrel away in hopes of starting a business, taking some time off to travel, buy the things that I want and need; life, as we all know, has a funny way of stepping in and redirecting all of our plans.

And can I just say that I am tired of never being comfortable with where my account balance? Of having to triple-guess myself if that super awesome dress is really worth the money? Click the link you will see, TOTALLY worth it!

But what is a young millennial to do with champagne dreams on a Kool-aid budget?

As Donna from Parks and Recreation says:

That’s right, TREAT YO’ SELF! And doesn’t have to be anything big maybe you just take a day off from work in the middle of the week just to get your mind right or instead of scrimping for a vacation bag-packing across Europe you and your best mates take a smaller weekend trip to one of the Adult Camps, or a different city nearby.

Life is too long and too short to spend it keeping your nose to the ground slaving away to one day live the dream. Stop worrying about loosing one day’s pay (because really, who gets PTO anymore?) and go on an adventure, get a massage, have a drink or three, or take a mental holiday. Little breaks like these not only keep from cursing out your co-workers but can also aid in getting the creativity, help you re-focus/establish your own personal goals but also boost productivity.

Take it from me after 5 or so years planning and saving for that elusive “tomorrow” does leave much time to enjoy the pleasures that today may have in store for you.

So there you go a weekend prescription! TREAT YOUR SELF!

This prescription is not to be combined with any other medications you may be taking, avoid overuse as it may cause extended feelings of elation and euphoria which may lead to more serious sides effects such as; irresponsible spending, quitting your job, entrepreneurship and/or creative genius. Please consult with your local bartender if feelings persists for longer than 72 hours.

Until next time!
Sabrina

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I’m Not Your Doormat; 3 Places to Start Speaking Your Mind

Tired of feeling used by family and friends?
Are being disrespected and/or treated like your invisible at work or school?
Has your social life ruined your credit, health, and/or confidence?

If you have answered yes to any of the questions above then it may be time for you get up off the floor and stop being a weak-willed doormat (yeah, I said it!) and start figuring out who you are and what you stand for. Although, this may be easier said than done, keeping quiet because your afraid of people’s reactions hasn’t worked this far so you may as well try something new.

3 Places Where Speaking Your Mind is a MUST:

1. At Home: Wither you are living with room mates, a significant other, by yourself or living with family members; the place you are currently calling home is supposed to be the one place where you can be comfortable being yourself. So, that might mean that it is finally time to have that chat with the one who is leaving dirty socks on every flat surface about the lovely invention of a hamper, maybe you need to show them the wad of hair that you recently released from the shower drain or maybe you have that friend that “only wanted to crash for a few days” but 3 months later has made your living room into an adult fort filled with mysterious scents and creatures of the deep. Has your wholly organic spreads just become the condiment of choice for someone else’s midnight snack? What ever it may be it is time to SPEAK UP and let them know that what they are doing just isn’t really working for you. Life outside your house is stressful enough so why bring that into your house?

“Your not trying to come up, in MY House, with all that”

2. At Work: Finding a job is hard enough in this economy and so when you finally and one it is understandable that you don’t want to “rock the boat” and potentially end up back on the unemployment line but sitting quietly and allowing others to lay claim to your hard work and your ideas isn’t the way to go about it either. When at work go by the old saying “It isn’t what you say but how you say it” there is nothing wrong with having a differing point of view or correcting someone’s oversight but it does require a healthy dose of TACT. So like mothers all over the world have told us about honey flies and vinegar. Tone down the acidic bite and sweeten up your approach in the work place.

“I’m not a Bitch, I just know my own mind”

3. In Your Relationships: Relationships are hard, no matter if it is a sibling, a friend or a significant other, and oftentimes just a quagmire of sticky and often times explosive situations. A way to diffuse these situations is to address them as they arise instead of waiting until your ready to bite someone’s head off because they left the cap off the toothpaste or left the gas tank only a quarter full. Not only is it unfair to them but it is also hard on you. Healthy relationships are built on sharing and understanding each other and telling them about the things that really work your nerves or hurt you is a part of that and again why the added stress in your life? Especially in the relationships that we choose the rule of them is “If you don’t tell them, they won’t know.” So maybe they need to lay off the weight jokes or be less judgmental about your preferences or choices. If they are doing something that hurts you. YOU need to say something about, otherwise the behavior will only continue and who could blame them? People are not mind readers so say something.

“Be BOLD about your shit!”

That being said if you have told them , more than once, that you find a certain behavior of theirs a little hard to swallow and they still continue it may be time to reevaluate if that particular relationship is really necessary in your life. If not, keep it moving, life is too long and too short to be stuck with people who continually make you miserable. Especially early on in romantic relationships, be bold about your shit! If they can’t hang, then it is always best to know early on before someone resorts to a “Waiting to Exhale” moment!

Now that is one woman who could have released some of her pent-up anger!

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Lesson learned; 5 yrs. later

It’s that time of year again, Graduation Season! As thousands upon thousands of students countdown to that day when they too will don their cap and gowns to walk across that absurdly long stage and take those first initial steps into “adult-hood” and all the opportunities to go out and concur the world; to make a difference and to be successful.

This May being my 5th anniversary from graduating from University.I can’t help but wonder if I was ever so innocently optimistic?

What have I learned since then? What would I tell those who are preparing to leave school and the realities they are bound to face?

1. Don’t rush into furthering your education (Graduate-level) right away: It is not that I don’t support more education, because really nothing can be further from the truth, the fact still stands that unless you are going to Med-school or Law school (which may not be such a smart move either) will only put in you in debt with no work prospects. There are tons of people with advance degrees who can’t find work in their prospective fields who are stuck working whatever job they can find just to keep there heads above water and a great majority of them are barely managing to even do that! So my advice is to put it off for a while and look into starting a career first because there are still some companies that offer tuition reimbursement and/or training that you would need to grow in your career.

Being social at the work place….

2. Learn Business Etiquette: Trust me on this, no matter what field you are in or what you are doing, learning how to appropriately communicate and interact with your co-workers and superiors (both written and spoken) is the Number #1 rule for succeeding in the work place. In Corporate America, even if you work for yourself, your not moving up that ladder unless people take you seriously and they LIKE you!

I can’t even begin to tell the amount of times I have had to tell co-workers (my age and some younger) that Yo’ is not a greeting, emails don’t begin with Hey and now is not the right time to have a loud ass discussion about that party you went too last night! (Don’t laugh! It happens!) There are tons of online resources that will teach you the basics of how to write emails, memos, minutes, slides etc. and they are all FREE! so there is no reason to not do your research and save your self some aggravation and start your career with your best foot forward.

Speaking of jobs…

3. If you managed to land a job realize that you are lucky to have one, no matter how much it sucks: I get it, you have just spent all of that money getting your degree and the last thing you imagined yourself doing was working at the supermarket, mall, movie theater etc. The moments when you hear “Where is the restroom?”, “Can you make that a Large?” or “I need you to order my lunch.” make your eyes roll and lead to drink away your misery.

But guess what? you have a job! Your making money and you are getting out of house! And trust me after spending almost five months unemployed I was all too happy to get that job working in retail for the holiday season and so should you be!

Making it Work…

4. Have a Plan A and figure out how to make your present situation work towards that plan: So your working the sucky job but have dreams of owning your own business/writing/acting etc. It is all about making where you are right now work for where you want to go. All those hours you spend sitting at your desk doing virtually nothing, start doing some research about what you would rather be doing, start writing that great novel in between calls or start a blog *wink-wink*. In retail and wanting to act: start playing with character development while your on the sales floor, change your accent, start quoting lines from your favorite movies at the register!

Not only does this make your day more interesting for you but allow yourself to work towards your Plan A and still make the money you need to survive.

5. There is no shame living within your means: Financial literacy is what your quality of life will be built on because there is nothing worse than worrying over money. It will affect your relationships, family planning, career, health etc. And is one of those things that is never too early to learn. If your lucky enough to have family that will continue to support you, take advantage of it! Even if that means living at home for a while, not buying rounds at the bar for all of your friends and getting those $300 shoes.

And if your friends try to laugh about you still living at home and being on a budget just let them know that when they start worrying about their credit card bills you will be laugh all the way to bank! And get you some like minded friends, on time, who are trying to something with themselves!

If you get the chance…

6. If you can swing it, Travel: While you are still young and free from significant commitments see the world, not only will you get the chance to learn more about others but you will definitely come back (if you decide to come back) knowing yourself a whole lot more.

There are tons of opportunities to go abroad and work/volunteer, like Teaching English in Asia or doing Eco work in the Andes and you will never regret the experience and the stories you will have for a lifetime. If you do decide to go, a word or two of caution; do research about the country you are looking to visit; not only touristy spots and night life but the political climate as well. Also just because your traveling/working abroad doesn’t mean you can ignore your financial commits back home (ie: Student Loans) make sure you work out a plan to continue making payments on those while you frolic over seas.

It is important to remember that there will be surprises, break-ups, let-downs, laughter, tears and tantrums along the way. But just take a deep breath and live in the moment you are in now!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Izx9ADLjgbM

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