Category: Un-Ashamed

5 Things Every Woman Should be Able to Do

#Adulting is hard as we all know and since there are no clear cut guidelines that define what it is to be a successful full fledge adult here is a list of a few things that I believe it is important that every women be able to do for herself in no particular order but all equally important despite your income, where you live or relationship status.

  1. Know how to be okay, being by yourself…

Knowing that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely and knowing what that difference is- can be difficult and takes a good bit of self reflection but it is worth the effort  and should not be discredited. Taking time to be along you realize that the world is bigger than you ever imagined and that your actual needs in life and the people you choose to fill yours with may be completely different. That is why I have always been a big believer in traveling solo. Without the opinions and desires of your crew/girls, discovering a new place alone, you get the opportunity to form your own experiences and discoveries about this new place and yourself as well! At the end of the day it comes down to this, if you can’t stand to be in your own company, why would anybody else?

 

2. Manage Your Money

Hey I get it, sometimes it isn’t about managing your money- it is about having money to manage! I remember my first couple of years out of college, probably during college as well, standing at check-out counters praying that my purchases would be able to clear my meager bank balance, “You will not return unto me void!” it was  kind of funny at that time, not really, but you know what isn’t funny -at all? Reaching the end of your twenties, thirties, forties and still having to pray over your purchases! Successfully managing your money is to; know how much you bring in, prioritizing your expenditures and a healthy indulgence in self-denial. Let us start really living within our means and get to a place where you can start saving money and then getting your savings to start working to make you  more money! Now that is sexy…

 

3. Feed Your Yourself

No one expects you to cook at a level to be a contestant for Top Chef but you also shouldn’t be a shoe in for America’s Worst Cook either. Having a few simple meals under your culinary belt will make a world of difference in your confidence and ability to function in life plus bonus points if these meals you can cook are well balanced and nutritional (sorry, box mac’ n cheese but this isn’t the place for you…) Listen, you don’t have to love cooking but you should be able to! Cooking is a life skill for a reason and you never know you might discover a new passion while learning!

 

4. Know Your Mind….

And know how to speak your truth (Let the church say AMEN!) This is a principle that affects every aspect of your life from your career, friendships to your relationship with family and romantic entanglements because knowing your mind is really knowing yourself, your desires, your limits, your worth and your needs. Healthy relationships can not be created or maintained if you have no sense of self. Not knowing where you stand is more than a being people pleaser we are talking about being a doormat and if you are willing to lay down your own opinions and feelings or you don’t even know what they might be– people will just walk right over you.

 

5. Care for Your Sister..

We are our sisters keepers and nothing exemplifies this more than one woman’s ability to uplift or support her fellow woman. There are enough forces in this world that want nothing more than to tear us down, so why should we do it to one another? In realizing that we are the standard by which the world operates we as women can change generations to come; with a smile, a kind word, an outstretched hand and a warm embrace. A woman who knows her own worth, her value and how to handle her business has no need to cut down others by shaming them for their choices.

 

Until Next Time!

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • LinkedIn
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

No Such Thing as a Procrastinator?

Procrastinate [proh-kras-tuh-neyt, pruh-] 1. (verb w/o object): to defer action; delay. 2. (verb w/ object): to put off until another day or time; defer; delay>

via GIPHY

Procrastination is alive and well and this is exactly what my life tends to look like each week and it is a concept that I am sure many of us have struggled with; getting assignments done on time for work and or school, getting back to the gym, filing taxes, getting ready for the day… I mean anything really could be put off until later and I know for myself for no real conscience reason that I was aware of on most things I subscribed to the theory “Why do today, what you can do tomorrow?” and saw no problem with it at all! Don’t get me wrong it all got done in the end but…. right now? -Maybe tomorrow…

At least that is what I thought before finding this short clip from the Steve Harvey show where the Hip Hop Preacher Eric Thomas shared his point of view on the subject:

Which got me thinking… could he be right? Is it really just a matter of making the items on my to do list; like writing this blog, getting my work assignments completed ahead of schedule, completing my novel (check back for more on the blog about that particular project!) a priority to myself? Seems simple enough almost too easy to really be the solution but definitely worth a try.

But where does one start?

Start with defining for yourself what is really important to you not what other people tell you should be a priority. Does your job feel like it is dragging each week? Well then maybe it is time to seek other methods of earning an income if you are desperate need for a change or do you keep putting off starting that diet or workout schedule? Figure out what you can actually manage- maybe making commitments to walk more, make better food choices at every meal will be more realistic (and less overwhelming) than going to the gym 5-6 days for 1-2 hours a week…What is important here is finding that motivation or process that you can actually commit to that registers to you in a way that it doesn’t feel like some huge burden that ends up looming over your head like a dark cloud. Get moving and get excited!

And be the #boss you where meant to be!

via GIPHY

but for now….

via GIPHY

 

Until Next Time!

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • LinkedIn
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

Spandex, Feathers and Glitter, Oh My!

Folks it is Labor Day, also known as the unofficial end of summer, and here in Brooklyn that can only mean one thing; West Indian Day Parade! While I am not normally a reveller of the Parkway madness that is playing mass I thought some of those who have never seen the parade, a look at this year’s costumes. I happen to be lucky enough to live on the “warm-up” route for the parade as the bands start pumping up the music and the crowd on their way to the official start line on the parkway.

011

034

027

030

040

Now I tried to keep the images as PG as I possibly could, unfortunately that also meant the best photos could really be included, sucks I know but I tried.

One thing that is undeniable is that as dressed or as undressed as some of the women are, you have to admit seeing all these women of all color, shapes and sizes, strutting their stuff under the HOT sun (if you happen to be Jamaican -H for accurate translation, ha ha ha!) is inspiring, so take a lesson and ring out the summer with confidence!

Until next time,

Sabrina

 

 

 

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • LinkedIn
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

Trending: #StopTheBeautyMadness

Ladies, what would you give to finally reclaim your body, age, skin from the grasp of the clutches of the world we call fashion? Would that kind of power and confidence change you? Would you change yourself in order to gain it?

What if I told you that you didn’t have to change a single thing about yourself physically, and all you had to do was just put fingers to keys and look at how they world and others like yourself are trying to change its self?

Would you spread the word in order for others to have that same power?

Has your curiosity been peeked? Great read on!

For those of you who haven’t heard I would like to introduce you to the #StopTheBeautyMadness campaign made up of a series of advertisements illustrating a different “madness”. The project, gives a voice to all of us to finally say, ENOUGH with impossible beauty standards that we never feel we can measure up to and have been literally, killing ourselves to achieve.

And while there are some who might see this as just another group of “fat” women condoning obesity, or whatever other crap the nay-sayers are spewing this week. You would be well informed to know that NO Stop The Beauty Madness does not only expose the issue of the larger waistlines but also; those who are naturally thin, ageism, and racism. So get your facts straight and support an amazing note worthy cause.

Don’t forget to check out the campaigns website for more information on ways to get involved and sharing your voice with this amazing group and get connected socially!

This hopefully won’t be the last you read about this project here at The Un-Life, I’m hoping that I might get the chance to have a guest blog or interview with them myself, here is hoping that it works out!

*featured image sourced from #stopthebeautymadness home page*

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • LinkedIn
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

Keep Your Comments to Yourself; I’m Eating

We have all been there, especially just after New Years, with our weight-loss and/or fit goals with dreams of that firmed up summer body on the horizon; the countless reps at the gym and meals consisting of rabbit food and bird seed. Let’s be honest no matter if your just looking to tone up or working towards dropping some significant weight, it’s hard work and you are going to need all the support you can get in order to reach and maintain your goals. Or maybe your on the other side where you haven’t committed to loosing weight and are completely content with your body the way it is, which is your right. But sometimes family and friends (who I honestly hope intend well) can cause more harm than good with their comments and questions. Here are a few, comments and questions that I encountered (still do sometimes) that, we could possibly all live without:

1. Should you be eating that?: So you have made your decision to make healthy eating changes and are joining sitting down to eat with a group and decide to treat yourself to some thing and then WHAM! this question comes out of no where to blind side you right before you can even lift the spoon/fork to your mouth for that first bite.

I don’t know why but every time some has asked this particular question it is always accompanied with a look of deep concern. So when you respond with a look of irritation, they always respond with “I’m sorry, I was just asking just trying to help you out” I don’t need your help, thank YOU very much. I got this. I’m grown I know what I can eat and I know what I need to do. So just sit over there and mind your own damn lettuce! Another variation of this question to be weary of is Are you allowed to eat that? And the same response applies!

2. Why don’t we just share? My sisters and I might be the only people in the world who find this particular question not only insulting but irritating as well but still there is no need for it. As children when ever we went out to eat, no matter where it was, will looking at our menus my mother would ALWAYS ask us all what we were getting and then suggest that we split it with her. My mother has dealt with weight issues for as long as I can remember and for just as long she has been constantly monitoring her children eating habits, commenting on our weight and trying to put us on diets. Thanks for the body issues Mom!

No, how about we don’t share? How about we both get our own dishes and if we feel too full to finish them take them home with us (that’s why they have doggie bags, at least if you aren’t in France) I don’t want or need you shaming me about what I’m eating. The reason I am ordering this is because I intend to eat ALL of it, I may if I choose, offer you a bite but I’m not a kid and there is no reason for you to push your hang-ups onto me, thank you very much!

3. Wow you finished all that already? Really?
There is something just fundamentally wrong with this question for me. I mean if my plate is clean then it must have gone somewhere right? I don’t understand some people’s need for mentioning it. All it is a subtle jibe into the side of the person who probably just enjoyed a delicious meal. There is no need for the commentary, this isn’t the Olympics! It is the shock and awe or maybe slight disgust in their voice that really grates. Even if you are model thin or a plus sized people always have something to say about the quantity and speed by which you eat.

4. Is that all your eating? It is as though people can never be satisfied. I encountered this question a lot while I was going through my weight loss, when I had significantly cut my calories and was mainly eating veg and lean proteins. I have also heard people saying this to thin people as well so I figured we could level this one across the board.

Why are your eyes just all in my plate? I know my own body and this is all I want to eat, maybe I don’t like the food here, maybe I had a big lunch, or maybe I’m making some changes in the way that I eat. All you need to know is that this is all I’m willing to commit to for the moment and if I should decide to have more I will do so! Of course on the opposing side there is always the, I think you had enough which I couldn’t even begin to tell you about.

There is a saying in Korean that goes something to the tune of “You don’t disturb a dog while it’s eating” that has never run more true than in the instances where I have been barraged with comments and questions like these. Am I less worthy than that proverbial? Can I not eat in peace without commentary, notations and censure?

If so, then Let’s Just Not Talk While I’m Eating.

What if any questions have pissed you off during a meal? Share, Comment below and let’s start the discussion on Food Shaming!

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • LinkedIn
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

I’m Not Your Doormat; 3 Places to Start Speaking Your Mind

Tired of feeling used by family and friends?
Are being disrespected and/or treated like your invisible at work or school?
Has your social life ruined your credit, health, and/or confidence?

If you have answered yes to any of the questions above then it may be time for you get up off the floor and stop being a weak-willed doormat (yeah, I said it!) and start figuring out who you are and what you stand for. Although, this may be easier said than done, keeping quiet because your afraid of people’s reactions hasn’t worked this far so you may as well try something new.

3 Places Where Speaking Your Mind is a MUST:

1. At Home: Wither you are living with room mates, a significant other, by yourself or living with family members; the place you are currently calling home is supposed to be the one place where you can be comfortable being yourself. So, that might mean that it is finally time to have that chat with the one who is leaving dirty socks on every flat surface about the lovely invention of a hamper, maybe you need to show them the wad of hair that you recently released from the shower drain or maybe you have that friend that “only wanted to crash for a few days” but 3 months later has made your living room into an adult fort filled with mysterious scents and creatures of the deep. Has your wholly organic spreads just become the condiment of choice for someone else’s midnight snack? What ever it may be it is time to SPEAK UP and let them know that what they are doing just isn’t really working for you. Life outside your house is stressful enough so why bring that into your house?

“Your not trying to come up, in MY House, with all that”

2. At Work: Finding a job is hard enough in this economy and so when you finally and one it is understandable that you don’t want to “rock the boat” and potentially end up back on the unemployment line but sitting quietly and allowing others to lay claim to your hard work and your ideas isn’t the way to go about it either. When at work go by the old saying “It isn’t what you say but how you say it” there is nothing wrong with having a differing point of view or correcting someone’s oversight but it does require a healthy dose of TACT. So like mothers all over the world have told us about honey flies and vinegar. Tone down the acidic bite and sweeten up your approach in the work place.

“I’m not a Bitch, I just know my own mind”

3. In Your Relationships: Relationships are hard, no matter if it is a sibling, a friend or a significant other, and oftentimes just a quagmire of sticky and often times explosive situations. A way to diffuse these situations is to address them as they arise instead of waiting until your ready to bite someone’s head off because they left the cap off the toothpaste or left the gas tank only a quarter full. Not only is it unfair to them but it is also hard on you. Healthy relationships are built on sharing and understanding each other and telling them about the things that really work your nerves or hurt you is a part of that and again why the added stress in your life? Especially in the relationships that we choose the rule of them is “If you don’t tell them, they won’t know.” So maybe they need to lay off the weight jokes or be less judgmental about your preferences or choices. If they are doing something that hurts you. YOU need to say something about, otherwise the behavior will only continue and who could blame them? People are not mind readers so say something.

“Be BOLD about your shit!”

That being said if you have told them , more than once, that you find a certain behavior of theirs a little hard to swallow and they still continue it may be time to reevaluate if that particular relationship is really necessary in your life. If not, keep it moving, life is too long and too short to be stuck with people who continually make you miserable. Especially early on in romantic relationships, be bold about your shit! If they can’t hang, then it is always best to know early on before someone resorts to a “Waiting to Exhale” moment!

Now that is one woman who could have released some of her pent-up anger!

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • LinkedIn
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

How to Look and Feel Confident in Clothes?

Here is another question I found on my new favorite site XoJane, this one from a young woman trying to figure out the basics of dressing to impress when your body type may be less than impressive:

I need help managing my image. Externally, I mean. Internally, I’m happy with how I “look,” so to speak, but externally, I feel like a total slob. It might sound a little arrogant, but I’d like if my appearance, fashion-wise, could be as cool as I think I am…
The problem is, I’m totally clueless about dressing myself. I know what looks good on other people, however when it comes to my own clothes, I always find myself unsatisfied. My body shape is kind of odd in that I’m a bit taller than average, slim, and very top heavy. I don’t feel comfortable in tops that show off my cleavage, nor in bottoms that reveal too much of my long legs. I also dislike baggy clothes, or clothes that cover up too much. No matter what I’m wearing, either I feel like I’m being unprofessional and revealing too much of my body or unfeminine because I’m completely covered up in something unflattering.
The clothes I’m most comfortable in are skinny jeans and men’s white undershirts: in that sort of outfit, my legs get accentuated a little, and the curves on my chest are neither completely invisible nor directly in anyone’s face. But I know I can’t wear those clothes out, and to be honest, I’m a little embarrassed of them. I want to look like a put-together, confident woman. My clothes don’t do me justice, and it’s completely my own fault.
I don’t really like accessories, make-up, or cute hairstyles. I’ve always been pretty tomboyish, in the sense that I don’t like to spend too much time getting ready; I’m definitely a throw-it-on-and-go kind of girl. I like dresses and skirts, but I feel like they show too much of my body, so I can’t really wear them. I also like to feel like I can run if I need to (what if there’s a spontaneous butterfly that needs chasing?), so skirts that are too long or too tight are no good for me.
To me, my body is a very private thing. I love showing myself off to my partner, but I don’t want the world staring at me and seeing too much. At the same time, I want to look the best that I can, and I know that at this point I just don’t. How can I dress myself better? Please give me some advice.

My Answer:

Despite you saying at first that you are “happy with the way you look” it doesn’t really come across as such in the rest of your statement, there is just a whole lot of negativity going on in there that I think you may want to re-evaluate. We all know that we are our own worst critic don’t be too hard at your reflection in the mirror.

Now remember that there are parts of everyone’s body that might not be “ideal” I mean come on not even the Human Barbie naturally has the perfect body and not everyone has the means or conviction to go under the knife. So how do people do it? How do they manage to put themselves together day after day as they go out to face the world? Fashion, which doesn’t mean that you need to stalk the runway or buy pricey duds but it does mean learning about what works for you and your body.

You say that you are top heavy with long slim legs, next you go out shopping try on the popular Peplum tops to pair with your favorite skinny jeans and a cute heels or flats. It is an easy grab-and-go addition to your wardrobe and what it also does is create balance and a feminine shape for your body.

Peplum Top from French Connection
Peplum Top from French Connection

Another item that you might want to explore is the A-Line midi skirt. It too with give you a fuller bottom half as well as give you some modesty while still being comfortable and easy to wear matched with a Graphic tee and a pair high-top All Stars or light loafers with a leather jacket.

Image c/o collegefashion.net- Outfit Inspired by Rachel
Image c/o collegefashion.net- Outfit Inspired by Rachel

The point is you can’t be afraid of trying new things. Each time you go shopping make it a point to try something that you wouldn’t normally go for. I mean what is the worst that can happen? You put it on and you don’t like it? Fine take it off and try something else, no biggie! Also if your shopping with a friend bring someone who is supportive of you, will give you an honest opinion and whose style you admire. So leave your man at home and work it out!

Your style should always say something about you, and why should it say anything but “I am fabulous, confident and I make this look easy!”

Don’t forget to check out xoJane for more questions like this and other fun and informative articles!

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • LinkedIn
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

I am a Millennial; Un-Ashamed

During my daily on-line trolling I often come across thought provoking articles or topics, that then led my on a merry day-long quest for more information. Today, that article (featured on HuffPost) is Ira Wolfe’s Why Many Unemployed Workers Will Never Get Jobs and while Wolfe does bring up many good points on of some reasons the currently unemployed may remain so. It was his comments on their overwhelming feelings of entitlement that led me back to my own considerations on Generation Y.

And seeing as I tote this blog as being an accounting of The Un-Ashamed, Un-Afraid, and Un-Apologetic life, it seemed important that I write this post about Millennial shaming.

My first encounter with Millennial shaming happened a few years ago while having a casual dinner with some older friends (professionals in their early to mid 30’s). As we were dining on decadent sushi and Japanese fried chicken at Bozu (in Williamsburg, LOVE IT!) and the libations were flowing, conversation took a natural turn to work gossip and #workfails in the office, which happened to center around one particular intern. According to the friend; she had no idea what she was doing and always sure she was right, wouldn’t listen to anyone, lazy and full of herself!

Somehow this poor girl managed to single-handedly embody all, that we are told, is wrong with new graduates entering the workforce! And what was the response this was met with? “Oh well, she is a Millennial what can you expect?”

So if you will imagine, me (at the time I must have been 21 or 22) only a few years out of college myself listening to them talk about the evil that is a Millennial, like I was at some sort of rally for the 30+ professional

With just me alone there to represent the opposition!

I, as someone who has always prided themselves as being a conscientious and hard worker, never asked any one for anything, but went out with determination for everything I wanted, felt nothing but embarrassment and spent the remainder of the evening quietly in my corner, and when pressed for comments simply nodded my head in between bites of Tako-yaki. Needless to say I was more than glad when the night was over but never forgotten.

Since then, I cringe every time I encounter a piece on Millennials in media, I mean how many times do I have read that “Gen Y (Generation Me) is unprepared, difficult to manage, narcissistic, solipsistic and too filled with a sense of entitlement to ever be major contributors to the workforce? Is it just me or are they harping on this a little too much? All this talk is really starting to make me feel a certain way about myself, and not in a good way!

But why should we feel ashamed of who we are, when we are the by products of our circumstances?

The Economy sucks and there are no jobs! Fine, so we begin to make opportunities for ourselves through any avenue available to us (ie: YouTube)

The Environment is unstable! Alright, so we devise ways to promote sustainability in our food, recreation and transportation (but those bikers need to learn to stay in THEIR lane!)

You are Narcissistic and Entitled! You’re getting a little harsh there but- We (at least not ALL of us) are not sitting around demanding what we feel we are owed! As a generation, Gen Y, has spent more time and resources to causes that support those who have less (TOMs, GAP’s Red Line, FEED, etc.) What previous generation has not wanted more than there parents had? What parent, in that case, doesn’t want more for their children?

While these sort of generational gripping is not particular to the Millennial and everyone previous to us has had there turns (*cough-cough* Baby Boomers) None the less we are your future and I refuse to be shamed for it!

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • LinkedIn
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS